I was doing really well emotionally, mainly because I thought one of my very positive leads would have panned out by now. After all the interviews I have been on, I am still at square one, and more frustrated, and depressed then I could have thought possible. I am 4 months into my 3rd unemployment stint. I can’t believe it’s been 4 months already. I don’t know where the time went. I try to stay motivated, on track with all my “projects,” do my best to stay positive, but I feel like I am losing control 

 This week I was rejected from yet another position. They went with an internal candidate. I had only gone on one interview, so it’s surprising to me I am so upset about it.  I was doing ok after finding out and then yesterday was hard. I was so depressed. Why can’t I land a job? I feel this awful sense of you suck all the time, and it’s the worse feeling. I remember when rejection didn’t get to me so much, when it was just another interview, but now every interview is a huge let down, a huge emotional roller coaster.

I am so incredibly frustrated, not sure where to go to change how I am feeling, how to change my situation, how to land a job! I am so tired of talking about how I can’t find work, how I can’t land a job, how I am still out of work.  I am so tired of looking for a job. I am so incredibly tired of staying home, and not having a structured day ahead of me .I am so tired of waking up and having to figure out what to do with my day to keep me from going insane. I am so tired of people trying to give me ideas. How about another career? Do you have any ideas on what I should go into? NO? I didn’t think so, so then you are no help at all! You are just making me more frustrated.

In 2008 I first lost my job many people lost their jobs then and have been able to keep on track. I keep getting fired. I can’t seem to land a job in a company that is finically stable.  When are things going to turn around for me? How come some people have cruised through this recession without being harmed, and then there are people like me who cannot get back on track. Why?!  

In recent weeks I have been thinking about the effects of me now working all this time, and it sucks. I am so far behind in my savings, in my 401K, in paying off my college loans, etc. I feel like I will never catch up, and it’s scary. I thought I would have been successful, and now I hope I can get another job that is not at the local coffee shop, which is not the worst thing, and would get me by but it’s not a career move.  I am dying to get my “career” on track again.  I am wondering if that will ever happen.  I am have always joked about being a stay at home mom, and now I am freaking out wondering if that is my only option. Argh. We can’t afford that, and I will lose my mind.

I don’t know where to go from here. I apply to jobs all day long, I get interviews, then nothing and the frustration continues. I am getting to my wits end, with no end in sight. Screaming feels like the best solution, but my neighbors will call the manager. Life is hard for me now. (except for planning my wedding and my life w/my fiancé, that is wonderful) Argh!