It’s about 1.5 hours until we land in Newark Airport, and I started reading blog posts from 2006 and 2007. I am not sure where or if I published these. If I did it was on something like Myspace. I never had an official l blog until this blog, which is funny because I have been writing my entire life. Maybe that is my problem right there, I lack real motivation. I thought I would have had a novel published by 30.  I have written many many character sketches, many plotlines, written a few pages and then nothing. Why can’t I get past that? I have sat down many times to create the characters, why don’t I have the further push to get me writing. I used to write short stories all the time: pencil, yellow pad, long hand, bad hand writing . . . but I did it.

What happened to my real motivation? I have great ideas. I am creative. How have I let so many of my passions: writing and photography slip away?  I have always lacked that final push to get passed the setup and begin the real process, but why? Now I think I am not as motivated because of the job search. If you read this blog, you know how frustrated I am. The longer I am out of work, the more I am doubting my ability to write. I never thought I was the best writer but I had more confidence than I have now. So much so, I have been thinking about changing careers, to something completely out of marketing and writing. I have no idea to what. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I need to find my passions again, get back to writing longer things than a blog post, and get back to photography. I have always loved taking pictures, capturing a moment in time that won’t happen again.  When I lived in NY and was jobless, I would spend the day with my Nikon D40 walking around Manhattan going to Central Park, Top of the Rock, everywhere you can think of.  Even though I was depressed and unmotivated from my job search taking pictures always made me happy. (some of the pictures are in this post) I have not been shooting like that in at least two years. I went shooting a lot when I first moved to LA, but slowly outgrew my neighborhood, took pictures where ever I could think of and could bored of it. I didn’t have a car yet, and was not able to travel out of West Hollywood easily. Now that I have a car it’s not something I think about, but why? How can something I was so passionate be such an afterthought now?

When I got my first laptop, I thought this is what I needed to be a novelist. This is what was holding me back. I had a desk top before. Clearly it was too confined. I thought I needed a laptop to go to coffee shops and write. Really? The desk top was not good enough for me? Now I am on my 4th laptop, and have yet to start that novel. There goes the theory of being free to be able write longer stuff. 

I just don’t get it. How are some people extremely motivated? They can write all the time, and have full time jobs, or be full time writers, and I can’t seem to get motivated enough to blog once a week or to even write more than a page. I just do not get it.

How do you stay motivated? Tips on how to help me get motivated? Thanks in advance!