Getting married is amazing.  I am so happy and thankful I found Alex. At the same time, getting married makes me think about things, people, events I have not thought about in years. Mostly things I have been avoiding, and not really wanting to reflect on.   
I have noticed more and more as the date gets closer, strange flashbacks of my childhood is shooting to the forefront of my memory. Things I have never have remembered before, houses I have been too, with people I don't recall. It's odd. It makes me think how many different places I have been, how many people I have met, how many situations I have been in and have not remembered after. It's just a fleeting moment in time. 

I have been thinking about a friend I once had more often lately. We were friends for 15 years, and no longer speak. I knew when she got married our friendship would not last. Her husband never liked me, and I knew it was a matter of time before our friendship hit the end of the road. I was hysterical crying toward the end of her wedding. I knew then it was a matter of time. 

Before her marriage and before her meeting her husband we were as tight as two friends could be, best friends, always together, hours on the phone, inseparable. When things went south it was very hard do me, and I assume for her as well. We tried to patch things up, but it seemed to me, there was no turning back. Her husband didn't like me and there was no changing his mind. He was in and I was out. 

The first year was hard, slowly became easier to deal with. The end of our friendship was almost like a death in the family. I saw her as a sister, the sister I never had, and then one day she was gone. It's been nearly 3 years since we where that tight. Yes, I have thought about her lots, missed her but as time went on I have thought about less and less, and don't miss her.  All I have now is memories of our friendship, the amazing times we had, the laughs. I have come to accept this, and understand some people are not meant to be in your life forever. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a chapter. Even though I never thought that would be the case that is what happened to us, a great friend for a chapter of my life. I will always hold those memories close to my heart. 

With everything I have been reflecting on, I have been reflecting a lot about the demise of this friendship.  I have been thinking about how things would have been different, how she would have been in my wedding party. We had talked about being in each other’s wedding parties for as long as we knew each other. I was in hers; I have been wondering how things would be different now. (I do love everyone who is in my wedding party. This is not to say I would rather her than them). I had always thought she would be a friend for life. Here I am, 3 years later, a rare text here and there, but mostly she is a memory long gone. Something I never thought would happen especially considering how close we were.

She was a huge influence in me finally moving to LA. We talked about her and her husband coming out to visit me. I remember sitting in Central Park, sunbathing, and talking to her about my pending move to California. My tickets had not been bought yet, and I was starting to doubt my decision to move. I remember the conversation as clear as yesterday her saying, "Why wouldn't you not go? What do you have here? Why not see what is out there, and you can always come back.” And so I took her advice, and booked my one way ticket to LA. 

It is funny how things work out. I never would have thought I would be in this situation, I never would have imagined we would not speak again. What is really ironic is, if it was not for her pushing me I would never have moved to Los Angeles, and I never would have met the man I am going to marry. She was such an influential part in my redirection, and now nothing. 

It's amazing how life is. How nothing ever is how you think it will be, how you will always be surprised.