Finally after months of figuring out "The Plan" I
knew I had to tell my mom the details especially since the move date is July 1
st.
I was dreading this day. I went home for Passover, and decided I would talk to
her about "The Plan." As I normally am with my mom, I kept putting
off the talk all weekend long. I hate dealing with her guilt trips and her
thinking I am not grateful for everything she has ever did for me. I know how
great my mom is, but that does not mean I should be able to grow and live my
own life.
Finally, I decided on the drive back to
New
York City I would go over the details. I knew it was
risky since I was going to be alone with her in the car, but I needed to have
this talk with her.
As luck might have it, the night before the drive to NYC, the
hose on the washing machine ripped, water quickly filled the condo. Thankfully,
the fire alarm went off. Otherwise we would never have known what was going on
since we were in the TV room with the door shut. To make matters worse, my mom
had just remodeled the entire condo with gorgeous wood floors. I have never
seen her move so fast in my life. It was complete craziness. The floor was
ruined, and we were in shock! The next day the entire floor had to be pulled up
to prevent mold. Thankfully it is just money, no one was killed. The floor can
be replaced.
My mom was in no place to be hearing “The Plan” now.
I think I was a little thankful I didn’t have to go over
“The Plan” face to face with her. Now I could email her the details, and not
have the pleasure of seeing her face when she is yelling at me “The Plan” will
fail! I will fail. Yes, my mom can be so loving, sometimes. (sense the sarcasm)
A few days later, I finally emailed her all the details to “The Plan,” only
because she asked me about it. I think I would have waited another week or two
if I could have! I thought (or hoped) she would have read my email, and be
supportive, say something like, “Wow, you have really thought about
everything.” I must seriously have thought I was watching a movie. Those words
would never come out of my mom’s mouth. Never. Ever.
In email I suggested her coming out to LA to help with the
transition. I wanted her to be apart of this journey so she didn’t think I was
abandoning her. The thing is for the past 17 years it has been just me and my
mom. I don’t have any siblings. We are the only family we have so I know this
move is very hard on her. She completely shot down my idea of her coming to
help me in LA, saying this is my INDEPENDENT idea and so I must to everything
solo. She also refused to store any of my winter clothes in the condo, saying
she doesn’t have room for my stuff. Meanwhile, ever since I lost my job she
told me I can always come home if I can’t afford my rent. What is the
difference between me moving home or my stuff being there? I know there is
plenty of space considering there are empty closets.
The emails kept coming more and more childish making me feel
like I am a total moron for ever wanting to try something for myself. I would take my time to respond since I wanted
to be the bigger person. She makes this very hard for me. My mom does not deal
well with change she has no control over well, and makes me feel horrible for
me.