I have been so uninspired for the past few weeks. I have been uninspired by my move to LA, to write, really to do anything.

I am moseying on by uninspired. I am not sure what my deal is. For months, even years I have been all about my move. I could not wait for it to come and get the heck out of New York City. Then Memorial Day weekend came and I have fallen head over heels in love with my Northeast again. Oh how I love this time of year. I love the beach, the pool, my friends, love being outside, love the outdoor movies, love Central Park. I love it all. Now I almost can’t imagine not being here.

As one of my best friends says, how can you not love New York this time of year? I can not, not love it!!! It’s so magical and pleasant. I wish it was like this all the time. If it was this nice here all the time I would never leave. I hate the cold. I hate having to wear bulky coats, sweaters, hats and gloves. I love my flip flops, shorts, bathing suits, sundresses and not wearing a coat. I love the sun, and the 90 degree days. I love it all.

California has always been a beautiful place where the sun shines most days. I am always happy being there. I love every part of it. I used to want to be in LA to be closer to my Bubie, and Aunt Gussie. Sadly, I didn’t make there while they were still living. I know they are always in my heart, and being in LA makes me feel closer to them in a weird way.

I think I am still moving, but I am just not into it right now. I am so glad I changed the move date from July 1st to unknown. I am thinking August 15th maybe even September. July came so fast, and I was not ready to move. I was feeling such anxiety. I need to feel 100% comfortable about the move.

Maybe I should have never went to Hamptons. If I never went I don’t think I would have ever thought about changing the move date. The Hamptons made me realize how much I love this time of year, how awesome NYC is when the sun is shinning.

The closer the move comes, the more I realize how much I am going to miss my friends and my mom. I really thought moving didn’t matter. If you were my true friends, it would not matter. We would visit, Skype, Facebook, text, and call each other. The more I realize what I am going to miss the harder moving seems to be. I am going to miss hanging out with my friends, going to the beach with them, brunch, picnics, happy hours, etc. I am going to miss seeing babies born, seeing babies walk, talk, become little people. I am going to miss getting mani/pedis with my mom, go shopping with her, and of course going to Broadway shows.

I really thought so what. I need to live my life and not depend on my mom. I need to explore new things, and see what happens. I have lived my entire life for her, but now I see she has lived her entire life for me. Maybe it’s a little self-centered and disheartened to believe leaving the Northeast doesn’t matter, and it won’t change my relationship with people.

I still think I need to explore living in LA, and see what happens. Perhaps I will be the happiest I have ever been, perhaps I will find my life’s goal or I hate it and just come home, but at least I will know.

As my doubts mount, I still feel like I need to try this move, and explore all my possibilities. I am not getting any younger. It’s now or never!