I have been so uninspired for the past few weeks. I have
been uninspired by my move to LA, to write, really to do anything.
I am moseying on by uninspired. I am not sure what my deal
is. For months, even years I have been all about my move. I could not wait for
it to come and get the heck out of New
York City. Then Memorial Day weekend came and I have
fallen head over heels in love with my Northeast again. Oh how I love this time
of year. I love the beach, the pool, my friends, love being outside, love the
outdoor movies, love Central Park. I love it
all. Now I almost can’t imagine not being here.
As one of my best friends says, how can you not love New York this time of
year? I can not, not love it!!! It’s so magical and pleasant. I wish it was
like this all the time. If it was this nice here all the time I would never
leave. I hate the cold. I hate having to wear bulky coats, sweaters, hats and
gloves. I love my flip flops, shorts, bathing suits, sundresses and not
wearing a coat. I love the sun, and the 90 degree days. I love it all.
California
has always been a beautiful place where the sun shines most days. I am always
happy being there. I love every part of it. I used to want to be in LA to be
closer to my Bubie, and Aunt Gussie. Sadly, I didn’t make there while they were
still living. I know they are always in my heart, and being in LA makes me feel
closer to them in a weird way.
I think I am still moving, but I am just not into it right
now. I am so glad I changed the move date from July 1st to unknown.
I am thinking August 15th maybe even September. July came so fast,
and I was not ready to move. I was feeling such anxiety. I need to feel 100%
comfortable about the move.
Maybe I should have never went to Hamptons. If I never went I don’t think I
would have ever thought about changing the move date. The Hamptons made me realize how much I love this
time of year, how awesome NYC is when the sun is shinning.
The closer the move
comes, the more I realize how much I am going to miss my friends and my mom. I
really thought moving didn’t matter. If you were my true friends, it would not
matter. We would visit, Skype, Facebook, text, and call each other. The more I realize
what I am going to miss the harder moving seems to be. I am going to miss
hanging out with my friends, going to the beach with them, brunch, picnics, happy
hours, etc. I am going to miss seeing babies born, seeing babies walk,
talk, become little people. I am going to miss getting mani/pedis with my mom,
go shopping with her, and of course going to Broadway shows.
I really thought so what. I need to live my life and not
depend on my mom. I need to explore new things, and see what happens. I have
lived my entire life for her, but now I see she has lived her entire life for
me. Maybe it’s a little self-centered and disheartened to believe leaving the
Northeast doesn’t matter, and it won’t change my relationship with people.
I still think I need to explore living in LA, and see what
happens. Perhaps I will be the happiest I have ever been, perhaps I will find
my life’s goal or I hate it and just come home, but at least I will know.
As my doubts mount, I still feel like I need to try this
move, and explore all my possibilities. I am not getting any younger. It’s now
or never!