In March I was laid off again, and this time I was extremely positive about it. I never liked the job I was working at and had been interviewing pretty steadily. I wasn't worried at all. Honestly figured it was for the best and I would have a new job within a month. I had just gone on 2 interviews that had gone really well, and thought at least one would come through. I was so positive, and thought there is no way I can be going through this again for a 3rd time and recently engaged.

One of the companies lead me to believe I was a top candidate for the social media strategist role, emailed me on Friday to tell me I was still in the running, a top contender, and “to be candid they really liked my chat.” Of course the “to be candid they really liked my chat” really annoyed me but I was willing to let that go if they hired me. I can be good spirited. Monday morning I receive a call from the person I would be reporting to.  I was about to go into an interview so waited to return her call. She called to tell me, while they really like me, they don’t think this is a good fit. I didn’t ask questions, just got off the phone which I regret. WTF! How can they go from “to be candid they really liked my chat” to I am not a good fit. Come the Fuck ON! I was still trying to remain positive; there was still another job I was waiting to hear from. But part of me what like here we go again and completely disgusted. 

Since then I have contacted a company that I had a positive interview with prior to the job who recently let me go. One of the companies loved me when we first met almost a year ago, (loved me so much but didn't hire me the first time, explain that?!) wanted me to come in for a potential opportunity. It took a lot for me to contact them, almost feeling like I was begging. I met with the director who said he would love for me to come on board but they are waiting for funding which could take 60-90 days. We met back in April, it is now June. I have been in steady contact with him, and had been getting pretty positive emails until today when he emailed they have not made the progress they had hoped for on the project. There is no timing in sight for when they will have funding, but they still are very interested in me working for them. Seriously! How long am I supposed to wait for their funding to come through? Even then it could be a lower salary then I expect. All I can really say is WTF!

I had been keeping that “offer” in the back of my pocket but pursuing my job search. So since I have been laid-off I have had more phone interviews than I can count, a few video interviews (which I now refuse to do as they are the biggest waste of time), many many many first interviews and more 2nd interviews than I have ever been on. So you would THINK I would have landed a job by now, 3 months into my job search. Well you are wrong. The last viable lead I had which I had gone on two, over an hour interviews, asked for a ton of writing samples had decided to go with someone else who had more blogging and social media experience.  I have been blogging since 2009, and been on twitter since it began but not enough social media. So what gives? This process also began in April. From the start with this company I thought this is the job I am going to get, fits my background perfectly, I got along great with the director, and it was something I was passionate about. During these 2 months since my first interview with them I have been in steady contact with recruiter and director which made me think even more so I was going to get this job.  I started to question being offered this position last week when after my second 1.5 hour interview the director made a point to tell me “slow to hire, quick to fire.” That left a really bad taste in my mouth, almost made me felt like I was being set up for failure. Then to get the call today, they went with another candidate.

I am back to square one, 3 months into my job search. I was clearly too positive for my own good when I thought I would only be out of work for a month. Delusional much? I already feel like I have been through the ringer. I can’t seem to get a company who will give me a legit shot. Between the 3 unemployment stints, I feel defeated, drained, at a loss, and not sure where to go from here. I know I am good at what I do, but this has made me truly question my skills. If I was so good how come I can’t seem to land a job? I keep hearing I am being too hard on myself, but am I? I am starting to think I should look into another field all together but what? How do you figure that out?

So as they say, everything happens for a reason, but what is the reason for all of this? Why can’t I seem to land a job?! I want to be able to contribute. I want to be able to feel like a member of society again. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am letting everyone around me down, and I hate this. I feel like I am loosing myself. I used to be so passionate and motivated, almost all of that is gone.

I don’t know where to go from here. Any suggestions? Any advice? Any leads on jobs? Insider tips on landing a job? I would love any help you can offer.