I have lived in Los Angeles for 6 months already. I am starting to realize what I have done. I moved over 2,500 miles away from the two states I have ever lived in. I moved away from my friends and family. All of this is obvious, but I think I am finally seeing the magnitude of living so far away.  I am realizing how hard it is not to see my mom every other month, how hard it is not to go to my friend’s showers, birthday parties or see their babies born. I am realizing I am missing see my best friend’s children grow up.

I am dealing with the consequences of a move this big. I don’t have a ton of family. I have cousins, aunts and uncles but they never played a pivotal role growing up. My father is a man I have a very strange relationship with. He is someone I could do without seeing again, which is horrible to say but completely true. My mom is the one I am most concerned about not seeing often. My mom and I (as you know if you have been reading the blog) have a very dramatic relationship. She was the most outspoken about not wanting me to move, the most annoyed, the most heartbroken I was leaving. Even though I have talked about moving to Los Angeles my entire life, she was so upset I would ever move so far away from her. My mom knew what it was like to have my grandmother live on the other side of the country. She knew what it was like to live, and not have her in life every day. After I moved she told me how hard this was for her. I didn’t care; I moved and was making a new life for myself. I was making my dream a reality.

Now, 6 months later with no trip back to NJ/NY in site, I am starting to really see what my mom was saying. The gut of my stomach is starting to ache of missing my mom, and the fun times we have shared. While when we fought it was nasty, we had some really fun times that I miss dearly. I know she is not going to be around forever. I did put that into account when I decided to move here, but I wondered if I should hold my dream back for her. I didn’t want to live my life wondering anymore, so I took the plunge and moved.  

I didn’t grow up in a wealthy family. I don’t have money on my own. I am still unemployed. I am not sure when I will go back east again. As much as I don’t have a desire to go back any time soon, I would love to see my mom. It’s my only hope she will come visit me and see how happy I am here.  I would love her to realize I am the only family she has and decide to move here when she retires. I would love nothing more if she was closer to me, and by closer I mean 2 hours away.

As time goes on, and the gut in my stomach grows bigger with concern that something will happen to her, I need to try and remain calm, and hope she will one day move out west one day.