DailyFreakOut

One year ago, this week, my beloved Ali-Cat was put to sleep. It is impossible to believe it has been one year. One year seems so long, and yet it feels like yesterday. I still miss Ali very much. I think about her often. Seeing pictures of her, feels strange. Her passing, still feels so raw. I read my blog post about that awful day this morning, remembering, and reflecting with tears running down my face. I am still very emotional about her passing. 

It's amazing how much an animal becomes apart of the family. I could never imagine my world without Ali, and now one year later, It is weird. I have (without) a choice excepted her death, and have done my best to move on. I had not realized how much I was hurting until I got Zoe Madison. Zoe Madison has filled a void that had been filled with sadness after Ali passed away after 18 years in my life.

I wish Zoe was able to meet Ali. Even though Ali hated all living things but my mother and I, I am pretty sure they would have gotten along. (I find it hard to believe anything could not like Zoe.) Selfishly I wish Ali with me, even though now I know she isn't suffering anymore. I am very thankful for the 18 years I had with her. Life has gone on, but she will always be apart of me, my life and my experiences. I am thankful for that.

I look forward to the next 18 years with Zoe Madison. 

  

My boyfriend surprised me with an amazing dinner at Akasha to celebrate my 2nd year in Los Angeles.

Two years ago August 15^th I moved from NY to LA. These two years have flown, each day seems to come and go faster than the day before. It is so hard to believe I have been away from my home for 2 years, away from my mom, and my friends for 2 years. It took everything I had to pick up and follow a dream I had for 30 years. Now I have been here for two years. It’s almost surreal. 

I remember August 15, 2009 like it was yesterday. I woke up, thinking this is my last day living in NY. I am moving. There was a calm, almost relaxing feeling. I knew this move was right. I had wanted to do this for 30 years. It was now or never, and now was finally here.  Ali was more freaked out than I was. She was lying next to the toilet bowl, while I was trying to put her harness on.  Jennevieve arrived to pick me up, early in the morning to take me to the airport. She was more anxious than I was. I remember her saying, “You are moving today! You aren’t nervous?” “No,” I said, “I am surprisingly calm. I know this is right.” I was thanking God, since I was worried I would wake up the morning of the move, freaking out, wondering what I was doing. Thankfully this didn’t happen.   
 
Moving Day went off nearly perfectly on the NY end. There were the some issues in the airport, but nothing worth mentioning. I was so pleasantly surprised Ali was amazing going through security, flying, and being in her carrier for so many hours.  I was picked up by a friend, who brought me to my apartment on Miracle Mile, not in West Hollywood as I was told, I found a tiny apartment without electricity.  To my shock the electricity was not turned on. I found out the hard way you need to call the LADWP to turn on the power before you move in. In all my apartments in NY, the power was on when you moved in. You had to call the power company to change the contact information, not the case in California. I moved in on Saturday, and the power was on by Monday morning. Very soon after this the roaches began to appear, and 3 weeks after I moved to the real West Hollywood to Heaven Gardner.  

The first few Saturdays were hard, always sad and depressed wondering if I made the right decision. I hadn’t had many friends, which made everything so much worse. Slowly, I made friends, Saturdays became easier and I was less depressed.

Looking back on the first year was very hard, emotionally and physically. I missed home terribly at times, wondered more times than I can count what am I doing. While I loved being in LA, the first year was so tough. I wanted space from my family but when push came to shove, 2500 miles was way too much space.  I was used to seeing my best friend’s from HS and my mom every 6-8 weeks. Now I was going a minimum of 4 months, but most likely would be 6 months between each visit. There were many times I cried, FREAKING OUT, missing home, but wiped those tears, stopped feeling depressed, and remembered I wanted to be in Los Angeles.

It took me ten months to get my first job in LA. I worked for Alta Hollywood, and soon after took a job at CheckAlt. CheckAlt was not always the best experience but I met some of the most amazing people there including my boyfriend.

It took me a stubborn year and a half to break down and get a car. For anyone who knows LA, living here without a car for that long was nearly impossible. I walked miles, and miles, took the bus, had great friends who gave me rides, and got lost almost every day.  On March 26, 2011 after a year and a half of walking I got a car, the used car of my dreams a black, ’96 BMW 328ic. With all the annoyances that come with having a car, I loved that car. The luck I have, which seems to be awful lately, I got into an accident 3 months after finding my dream car. I was hopeful the car would not be totaled since (I felt in all my knowledge in cars), the damage didn’t look that bad. That hope was killed a 5 days after the accident, and my baby was totaled.  It still breaks my heart to think about it. The BMW feels like it was a dream.  I guess I can be positive and be thankful that at least I was not at fault for the accident, and got what I paid for the car. I was dead bent on getting the same car. I was so upset I only had 3 months with my dream car. I could not think of getting anything else. That changed when I realized going back to not having a car was nearly impossible. I became so dependent on my car, and not walking living without a car, became impossible for me.  I broke down and got a ’91 Toyota Celica convertible for two reasons: it was a great price, and the BMW 328ic was going for double what I paid for it. I could not bring myself to pay anything more than what I paid for a ’96 car.  I am hopeful I will get back in a BMW convertible within the year.

 

Over the past two years I have gone through many changes both physical and mental.  Gone is the Jersey curly do, the weight and most of the Jersey accident. (I can’t deny it comes out when I am drinking or am mad!) I have lost 20 pounds, gain 10 and am in the process of losing that again. My attitude is less NJ and more calm and go with the flow, so I think. :-)

I have had the most difficult time making new girlfriends. Once you are in your 30’s, out of school, it is much harder to find those deep friendships you build when you grow up together. I have made friends, a decent amount for the time I have lived here but I have yet to find a best girlfriend. My boyfriend is without a doubt my best friend but I still yearn for that best girlfriend I had in NJ/NY.

Ali-Cat passed away, almost a year ago. She was always by my side which made her passing so much harder, and made me miss home that much more. I still miss her all the time, think about, and am thankful she isn’t suffering anymore. It took me much longer than I expected to be ready to get a new addition; about a month ago I found my new kitten Zoe Madison. Zoe is beyond adorable, loving, caring, everything anyone would want in a kitten. She has a huge heart, loves me to death, and always needs to be by my side.

Over the last two years I have live here there are many things I miss greatly. I miss seeing my best friend’s children growing up. I miss Megan and Grace talking, learning and exploring. I miss them more and more each time I see pictures of them. I have missed nearly everything of their brother Brandon’s first 2 years. I am missing Bailey, Chloe, and all the other little babies who have recently been born or are on their way. I miss seeing my friends, happy hours, picnics, hanging out in Central park, etc. But most of all I miss seeing my mom. The biggest regret I have with moving this far away is that my mom is alone most of the time. I can see now that a large part of me moving here was very selfish, and that is something I wish was not the case.

 

Overall, I am very happy I moved to see where things fell. The first few years had ups and downs. I learned a ton about myself. I am stronger, braver, and more independent than I ever thought. I am so proud for making this move and finally not listening to anyone. I never wanted to regret not moving here. Now I know I won’t. I can’t wait to see where my third year leads. I am sure it will be awesome no matter what happens.   

It’s been 3 week since I took home Zoe Madison. She has really become a wonderful part of my life, fitting in right away. I fell in love with her the moment I held her and knew she was coming home! From what I have seen Zoe has equally fallen in love with me. She follows me everywhere I go, sits on my lap, and cuddles with me. She needs to be right near me all the time. It’s so cute. She has the best personality, very friendly, and loving. There is nothing about this cat not to love!   

 

My birthday came, went and was everything I wanted and more!

My mom arrived in Los Angeles two days before my birthday. I was so excited to see her, and happy for her to finally meet my amazing boyfriend. Having my mom here was enough of a birthday present but I knew more was in store. Alex had planned a lovely family brunch on my birthday day at Moonshadows in Malibu, right on the water.  We sat outside, breathing in the fresh air, and eating the amazing food. I felt like such a princess.  Everyone seemed to really enjoy Moonshadows. It was perfect, everything I had wanted, and I have my boyfriend to thank for that.

 

 

Brunch lead to drinks at Shutters in Santa Monica with my mom, Alex and my friend Amanda joined for more laughs, and memories. 


 The birthday festivities continued the next day with my friend’s celebration in Hollywood.